Step One

I just posted at my forum about stepping down as host by the first of the year. This makes me very sad, but I know its a step in the right direction. I've let this quest take over too much of my life, I've let it change me, I'm being eaten alive by it.

I was lucky enough to have lunch today with a friend that I met through my forum. She's become a good friend, and I never would have met her otherwise. I am grateful for all the knowledge and relationships I've gained (two have turned from cyber to "real life" friends), but I find myself more often than not gritting my teeth to send yet another condolence message when a cycle ends, and its even more difficult to send congratulatory messages.

I fail to understand how anyone else's success -- no matter how unlikely, miraculous, or similar to my situation -- helps me ANY. Its been proven to me again and again that this is a science of trail and error, and results or protocol for any individual do not have any bearing on any other individual's chances.

See, this is what happens...I start off on this topic and soon enough, I find myself being bitter, angry, suspect, condescending, sarcastic and flippant, none of which are characteristics you want in a host of a forum for women TTC over the age of 35. Oh, and one other thing, I'm the oldest person posting there, and the person who's been trying the longest. I don't want to wear the Crown of Persistance.