Cycle Day 9

"If a second one doesn't work, I think you need to seriously prepare to accept defeat."

And with those words from my husband, my world crumbles. A second injectibles cycle, he means. I don't know why I am taking this so hard. We agreed from the very beginning of this frigging circus that IF we could figure out a way to afford injectibles, that was as far as we were willing to go with TTC.

We were trying to figure out when and how to use up his vacation time, before the end of the year. Of course, my first thought is -- what's going on with my cycle? -- on any given day. He said if this cycle isn't successful we won't have enough time to get the meds we need to do another one right away, so we're going to have to wait a month. That opened up some time in November (again, assuming I don't get pregnant this month - yeah, right), but then...

The Quote Above

I know I tend to jump to conclusions, but I know he's right, there does need to be an end. For both of us. I just never put 2 and 2 together and got the sum of YOUR TIME IS ALMOST UP. Tick-tock, lady, put up or shut up. Usually I am a glass-half-empty kinda gal, but for a brief moment in time I allowed my old nemesis Hope to push Regret aside and reign supreme. Damn expectations got raised from doing the shots. Now all I can think about is HOLY CRAP, I MIGHT NEVER BE A MOM. The sense of failure is swallowing me up right now. The unfairness. I can't even put this into words. And its hard to type when tears are blurring your vision. I need to get myself together and keep it together for the next couple of weeks, this cycle is too important to let my demons stomp all over it.