Just Another Day in Paradise

As I sit here, my Gonal-F multidose is on its way through the US mail from Minnesota (dontcha know?). I just can't get that accent from Fargo out of my head when I say "Minnesota". Anyway, its still not real cuz its not here yet and I'm not staring down at 15 syringes prefilled with sterile water. This whole process of buying what my brother calls "used" meds has been fascinating to me. Just shows how messed up the whole pharmaceutical and medical systems are when there's a thriving black market for non-recreational drugs. Less than a week to go before we find out if the Big Miracle happened on its own or we need to go down the next path, which ain't the Yellow Brick Road, folks. I can't decide how I'm feeling about this...if there's any karma in the world the very presence of those meds in my home will force implantation to take place. There's always that damn hope sitting next to regret on my shoulder, thinking we did this ourselves. Proud idiot that I am. On the other hand, if I give over my cycle to modern medicine I'm bound to produce better quality eggs than I could on my own and possibly lower the risks of a chromosomal disorder, should the little bugger decide to stick to the wall of my uterus.

Wow, notice how hostile I am towards that embryo? At this point I've read so many stories about angel babies -- how there's an infinite number of babies hovering over all of our heads, just waiting for that right time to Come On Down! to the Uterus is Right and everybody will live happily ever after. You can't fool me any more. I don't have any pie in the sky notions about how this works. Where's the love?