Labor Day

Every time I heard somebody say Labor Day today I cringed. I just couldn't help but put that together with TTC. I am obsessed. I can't seem to get away from it anywhere. Yet I don't know how to stop, and don't want to. Even yet. After all this time. We are in cycle #30. WTF? I never imagined it would even get to double digits, never mind a good football score. I am just so lucky that Devin still wants to keep going. Without his participation, well...I don't need to finish that sentence.

We went to Rainbow today and ordered Pergo for the upstairs bedroom (whitewashed pine). I've picked out a luscious color for the walls called Lilac Love. I just can't help thinking about fixing up that room as a nursery. One of these days I am really going to get hurt. By myself. And all my hoping.

Agreeing to buy the meds from the chick in NJ hasn't really sank in yet. That that means we are doing an injectibles cycle. I have a habit of not really going into a scenario until its right on top of me, otherwise I obsess way too much. Like having to fly. If I think about it too much I can't even start packing. I actually feel better knowing that Devin will be giving me the shots and not the nurse. The HCG shot he gave me in the hip was the only one that didn't hurt like hell afterwards. Here's that damn hope again -- a part of me thinks we aren't going to need the Gonal-F because we are going to get PG on our own this month. HA! HA HA! It ain't gonna happen, lady, just face it. I don't know if its self-preservation, conceit, or what, and I really don't know how it can still be there after 30 fucking cycles, but I still think we can do this. I am nuts.