Monday Monday

Now I've got that stupid song in my head!! Anyway...this has seemed like a very long weekend, I'm sure it was because Devin was away. My world is turned upside-down when he isn't here, I can't sleep, my eating habits change, I'm a mess. Not really an emotional mess, although I do miss him terribly, I just mean I don't feel myself. Obviously, something is missing! Duh.

I'm getting really nervous about this deal I've made to buy leftover Gonal-F. She isn't returning my emails and I have about two weeks before I need them. That seems like a long time when you write it out, but its been three weeks since I told her I would buy them. I half-heartedly looked yesterday to see if I could line up another purchase as a back-up, but I haven't done anything about that yet. It still seems like something that's about to happen to somebody else, it can't be me that is needing injectible hormones to get pregnant!! No. That's not right.

I wonder sometimes if being the host of a very busy TTC bulletin board doesn't keep it in my face TOO much. I can't (or won't) just leave it alone for a whole day, I'm constantly checking the board to see if any of "my" girls has any news, or needs my support, or has a question. Flip side is, the community is really wonderful, and with the absence of any other kind of club in my life, I find it very fulfilling. Dammit, why does every freaking thing in my life have to be a double-edged sword???? Drama queen! See how I talk to myself from both sides? I'm insane.