Parting the Red Sea

Once again my life has totally changed over the span of one week. Or at least my perception of it.

After two full weeks of bleeding I finally called my old OB, the guy who did all the IUIs who’s no longer covered by my insurance, even for non-IF related visits. I figured it was worth it to shell out the cost of an appointment to see someone who had my history for the past 3 years. He did a full annual exam and didn’t find anything remarkable (I’ll get the pap results next week, I guess).

However, based on my Tale of the Wacky Cycles since my last injectibles/IUI cycle failed in February (three 20-day cycles in a row, a normal 29-day cycle, then this cycle in which I spotted heavily on CD16-18, started on CD27 and just never stopped bleeding), he gently imparted the following:

“Your ovaries, uterus and cervix are fine. What you are experiencing is hormonal in nature. I don’t think you’re ovulating and have moved from pre-menopausal, where you were last year when we were doing the IUIs, into perimenopause. I think the best and easiest way to deal with the irregular periods is to start you on Provera for 5 days and then after you finish your next period (which will probably be very heavy), start on BCPs.”

And with that, my old label of IF patient was replaced with perimenopausal patient. How does this happen in less than 6 months? I am so confused, angry and sad. The Provera isn’t helping. Last night I felt like I had been hit by a truck.

On to the job stuff. I agreed to a 4-week consulting assignment at my new client, taking over for someone who left quite unexpectently. I told them I would be willing to talk about rolling over to a permanent FT position if I liked it well enough to give up my old client and my status as a consultant. After only a few days I started finding red flags – things that gave me pause and made me wonder about the company’s future, its internal practices and the working environment. The only thing it has going for it is its location, which as I said before, is REALLY close to home.

I told my boss at my other client (who is a wonderful, caring person who herself went through years of IF hell before adopting) about the opportunity. She was at first excited for me, knowing that it’s been my goal to be closer to home, but once I started talking about how things were there, became concerned that it was a step backwards in my career. At my next day there she took me into her office and offered me her job as the manager of the department. We had talked several times in the past about how she was grooming me to be her successor (she’s been there for 15 years) and if she was going to pass it on to anyone, she wouldn’t want to do that to anyone but me. Her other two direct reports have both been there for many years as well, but neither is management material. She would make me a manager under her and shift her focus to her other responsibilities outside the department, still being there as my mentor. This would enable me to get management experience without first having any management experience, something I couldn’t do at any other company. She would also factor in working from home one day a week. She said, if you hate it, stick it out for a year or two and then move on, adding to your resume. This would mean giving up my status as a consultant, something I covet. But it did give me a lot to think about.

After several more days at the new client and after my doctor’s appointment on Thursday, I told them that I would be leaving after my 4 weeks were up. I said it was for personal reasons. Perhaps it wasn’t smart to make this decision in my current frame of mind, but I wanted to be fair to them and give them ample time to find a replacement. DH says I can always change my mind.

I think what I am looking for right now is status quo. I love working PT and I love NOT being an employee. So I’m going to ask my boss at my old client if we can leave things the way they are right now and maybe later in the year talk again about hiring me as her successor.

Your comments are appreciated, as always.