Oh, Never Mind

What a difference a week makes. Good news and bad news. Bad news first (natch)...

I'm 99% sure my friend is backing out of the surrogacy offer. She sent me an email saying she hadn't talked to her husband yet, and that she had doubts that he would agree, and even if he did agree, she wanted to talk to her doctor. Since she has a fibroid and would have to have a 3rd C-section so he might not recommend another pregnancy. I think the thing that really changed her mind was hearing about a friend of a friend who died after a c-section recently (she was 45). Now she's completely stressed about her upcoming birth in August and I'm sure can't fathom yet another one behind that. I knew it was not going to happen when she ended the message with "Adoption is still a good alternative."

Honestly, I'm not upset with her, just sad. I just wish she'd discussed it with her husband and her doctor before mentioning anything to me. In this instance I think I would have been better off never knowing she had the thought in the first place. That fuzzy champagne feeling I had a glimpse of is long gone.

The good news (I think) is I took on another client yesterday, filling up my PT schedule to FT again. This is a company I've been trying to get a job at for years. Ever since we moved here in 1999 it's been my goal to have my home and work numbers have the same area code. This is the first opportunity I've had to make that happen. There are only a handful of companies in my area that would ever need my services, so you have to be really lucky or know someone to get in. My commute to my other client is 50 miles each way and usually takes me about 90 minutes. My commute to this client is 12 miles and takes me about 20 minutes. So, that's good, right?

Then why aren't I happy about this? For one, I hate change. That sounds stupid coming from someone who's spent the last 3 years trying to make a huge change, but its true. I hate being the new girl. People who work in this area who also live here tend to stay at their company for a long time, even if it's not that great a job, because the quality of life is so much better without a long commute. So now I have a great commute. Big deal. Now I get to come home to an empty house an hour sooner than before.

Am I just too jaded and sad right now to be happy about anything?

UPDATE: Now I'm 100% sure. I just talked to my friend. Her husband doesn't want her to have surgery again and its obvious she doesn't either, so the deal's off. Part of why her husband said no was because we hadn't yet explored all of our options (i.e. we haven't done IVF). Whatever. That's not gonna happen, we can't afford it, my eggs are bad and if I'm going to be pregnant, its going to have to be my kid. So we're shelving the whole baby thing for a while and may look into adoption at some to-be-determined date in the future.

Did I mention I'm on Day 9 of my period? Maybe that's why I'm so sad and bitchy.