The Barren Plain

I just broke my own record for the shortest cycle ever. Today is CD17, and AF will be here in full force by tonight. Yesterday I was weepy and emotional. I thought it had to do with the fact that I miss my best friend deeply, that was true but it was enhanced by hormones out of control. Since it was so early I assumed my mood couldn't be pre-menstrual in nature. Ha! Curses, foiled again.

For those of you keeping track, since our last failed injectibles cycle in February I've had two 20-day cycles in a row, then a "normal" 29-day cycle and then, (ta-da!) this 17-day cycle.

I feel old. Broken. Barren. Tired.

I turn 41 next month. Every day that passes increases my chances of 1) not conceiving at all; 2) if conception occurs, having a miscarriage; 3) if miscarriage doesn't occur, having a child with disabilities. If the current trend continues, I'll be having a period every two weeks soon.

I'm considering asking my doctor to put me back on the Pill. I was on it for 15 years straight and never had any problems, in fact, it keep my endo under control. I want my life back. I want my sex life back. I don't want to be worrying about getting pregnant or not getting pregnant every damn month for the next 5 years. Am I crazy?