The Barren Plain
I just broke my own record for the shortest cycle ever. Today is CD17, and AF will be here in full force by tonight. Yesterday I was weepy and emotional. I thought it had to do with the fact that I miss my best friend deeply, that was true but it was enhanced by hormones out of control. Since it was so early I assumed my mood couldn't be pre-menstrual in nature. Ha! Curses, foiled again.
For those of you keeping track, since our last failed injectibles cycle in February I've had two 20-day cycles in a row, then a "normal" 29-day cycle and then, (ta-da!) this 17-day cycle.
I feel old. Broken. Barren. Tired.
I turn 41 next month. Every day that passes increases my chances of 1) not conceiving at all; 2) if conception occurs, having a miscarriage; 3) if miscarriage doesn't occur, having a child with disabilities. If the current trend continues, I'll be having a period every two weeks soon.
I'm considering asking my doctor to put me back on the Pill. I was on it for 15 years straight and never had any problems, in fact, it keep my endo under control. I want my life back. I want my sex life back. I don't want to be worrying about getting pregnant or not getting pregnant every damn month for the next 5 years. Am I crazy?
posted by Donna @ 12:26 PM
10 Comments:
I would say that wanting the things you want makes you normal, Donna, not crazy. It could just be time to get your life back.
Donna, you're definitely not crazy. I feel a lot of what you feel about being 41 - I'm already there.
I'm sorry you feel old, broken, barren and tired. It's rough. I know I've had all of those feelings. You should feel free to listen to your heart.
I wish there was something I could do. I can honestly say you are not crazy at all for wanting some normalcy in your life.
These short cycles are for the birds. I hope they return to normal length and these last few cycles are just a fluke. Yeah.. flukes. The mythological creature, right?
I'm sorry Donna. For all of this.
Right behind you on that 41 thing. I've had quite a few anxiety attacks and bouts of depression myself lately. So if you're crazy, I'm crazy, too. Periods are hell - they never come (or not come) when you want them to. As for normalcy? I'm not sure I remember what that feels like.
Nobody came blame you for wanting your life back! It's been a long time since things have felt normal - maybe it's time to get that back. I'm sorry you're so down, sweetie. -Kym
Donna! You are NOT crazy! Those short cycles DO suck. I know those irregular cycles are frustrating, worrisome, and those mood swings hit you when you least expect it. Its one F'd up roller-coaster ride. Going back on the pill might be the answer for you, its not such a bad idea. I might consider it myself.
You are definitely not crazy. It just sucks to have to be so focused on what is supposed to be so natural. I agree - listen to your heart my friend.
I think going back on the pill might do you good. Like I said before, you don't have to STAY on it, but it might help straighten things out a bit.
I am sorry you are having to deal with all this bullshit. ((HUGS))
Donna, I'm so sorry! Your feelings are completely justified. I was only on the pill once for a month and they really messed me up. However, if it is something that will make you feel better, more alive, then you should do it.
You're so young, how can this be happening to you? It makes no sense to me! You're in my daily prayers, Sweetie!
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