Fathers Without Children

Last night we were at an event with our closest friends and spent some time with their toddler, aka The Smartest Four Year-Old I Know. Another friend of ours, G., was there as well and he had a great time chatting with TSFYOIK and spinning him around and around in different shapes. My DH joined in the fun and the three of them were a giggling spinning frenzy of child and man-children. It broke my heart. How is it fair that these two men, who are two of the most caring, kind and intelligent people you will ever meet, aren't fathers? To be correct, they are fathers, without children.

G. is a father, to a full-term stillborn boy born 10 years ago.

DH is a father, to a grown man who hasn't seen his father since he was too young to remember.

I'll try to make the story brief (some of you may have already heard/read it). The child was born to very young parents, and when he was 18 months old his mother left DH and took him with her. There was already another man in the picture and DH didn't want to create more problems for the child by going against her wishes and keeping in contact. Not to mention he was so devastated he had to quit work and move back in with his mother. Fast forward 10 years. The child's step-father tracks down DH's mother and informs her that the child's mother and he are getting divorced, and she has already given up her parental rights. In order for the step-father to adopt the child, DH must also give up his parental rights. Again, he is devastated but knows it is in the best interest of the child to sign the paperwork. He has lost his child again. I hope that someday this man will want to know who his real father is and will establish contact.

I hope that someday we will be parents, somehow. I know that his reluctance to adopt is tangled up in this mess, and I completely understand that. He recently told me he would consider it after we've grieved for the loss of our ability to have our own biological child.

Until then, he remains, a father without children.