Child of Mary

I talked to my mother (Mary) today. After many years of heart-breaking passive-aggressiveness and long periods of silence, we've come to an understanding about the amount and type of communication that works between us. We speak on the phone twice, maybe three times a year -- her birthday, my birthday, and Christmas -- and send the obligatory cards back and forth. I send her a Christmas centerpiece or wreath (without flowers, she's allergic) every year, and she sends me a few pictures of herself and a gift I will never use. When we talk on the phone we discuss safe topics like the weather, trips we've taken recently or the dogs. Occasionally, if I open the door even a crack, she'll launch headlong into her latest mysterious medical condition that no doctor can seem to diagnose. When this happens I wait patiently in silence until she realizes I am not saying anything and changes the subject. Not exactly the ideal mother-daughter relationship, but after all the pain and anger that she's caused me I think it's the best that I can do.

Our trip to Yosemite was slightly disappointing, as there was absolutely NO snow to be found, at least not at the altitude we were at, you could see tiny spots on the tops of mountains. The bare trees do have a certain kind of sad beauty, but I missed the quiet magic that seeing them covered with snow brings.



















Our hotel was a full hour's drive from the hotel where the big dinner was, which was unexpected, so that night involved driving back and forth and back and forth as we had to get our table assignment in person and the time cut-off was 2 hours before the dinner started. Once we finally got there (a bit late), it was really wonderful. At one point a beautiful little girl of about 10 was dancing and singing and stopped on her way down the causeway to hand me the ribbon she was carrying and grabbed D. for an impromptu dance. I smiled sweetly in the spotlight as my heart jumped into my throat and tears welled behind my eyes, watching my husband twirl her around joyfully.

The next day we returned to Yosemite Valley to do some hiking and wander around the Ahwahnee in the daylight.



















All day there were performances by the opera chorale that stars in the dinner. We managed to get a comfy seat on a couch to listen to them sing carols. Sitting in a room decorated to the hilt, everyone around me singing along, I sat silently, feeling disconnected during the religious selections and barren and sad during the children's carols. We left before Santa arrived; I couldn't bear to watch all the children in the room squealing with delight in their adorable outfits.

The last few years we've started the tradition of taking D's Mom to the movies on Christmas Day. This year we saw the Chronicles of Narnia. I read the books when I was a child, they were some of my favorites. It was completely delightful, and went a long way to fulfill my wish for a magical snow-covered fantasy. The computer generation was absolutely amazing, especially the lion, and the children were very good. I wonder why only British children get to have these types of wonderful adventures? From Mary Poppins to Harry Potter to Lord of the Rings to Narnia, its really not fair. I have added a new actor to my "Famous Men I'd Like To Do" list, he's just a baby, only 18, but undeniably delicious: William Mosely, who plays the eldest of the four children.

We watched several of the programs on TV recently about the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene, the childhood of Jesus, Noah's ark, etc. While I don't doubt that some of even all of these people may have existed, their divinity and the debate over whether the Bible is fact or fiction makes me slightly angry and slightly crazy. Going back to my mother and my childhood, one thing that I am thankful for is the utter lack of religion in our household. I think I would have been much worse off if I had to struggle with the dichotomy of an omnipotent and omniscient power that was goodness personified, watching over me, with the reality of my existence. Although his views are more extreme than mine, Penn Jillette wrote a very interesting article for NPR a while back, and some of the things he writes ring true for me. [I'm not a huge Penn Jillette fan, I think he's very strange, and he jumped on the celebrity wacky baby name wagon as well.] To those who have a strong faith of the God of your understanding, I envy you. All I have is myself, my loved ones and the blogosphere.