Sorry, No Clever Title

After a week that included a fever of 101.3, insomnia, food poisoning (a record 4 pukings in one night) and the accompanying dehydration, my period arrived, right on schedule. I woke up Monday morning with such a sense of clarity and knowing, I didn't even have to go to the bathroom and confirm. I cried in my husband's arms for an hour. Its over, folks.

I waited until now to write this post so I could get past the initial hyperbole that fills my head in these situations. I will try to avoid words like never, as in I'm never going to hear a little voice call me Mommy, or failure, as in I'm a failure at the one thing that I was pre-programmed to do, etc. You get the idea.

In answer to the question How Are You?, I've come up with many answers: Sad. Angry. Frustrated. Resigned. Ready to re-prioritize my life. Even a little relieved. Hmmm, there were a lot more when I did this in my head the other day.

I'd like to say good-bye to the following: Thermometer, Fertility Monitor, Fertility Friend, Assorted OTC Supplements, Clomid, Gonal-F and Her Syringes, and Dr. T (my wand-monkey). I'm also saying good-bye to a lot of cyber-friends on SK, resigning as Host. I've planned this for months, and truthfully, it wasn't as hard as I thought. Its a relief to know that its there if I want to check on anyone, but I no longer need to push so much energy in that one direction. As I said above, re-prioritization is definitely in order.

I'd also like to welcome back Coffee, Alcohol and Ibuprofen. You've been missed, dear friends. Oh, and I can't forget Hot Tub, Alcohol's buddy. OK, our's doesn't have a view of the ocean, but the trees surrounding it give it an Enchanted Forest feel once the steam gets going.

No, we are not going to do anything to prevent pregnancy, so technically, I'm still TTC as long as I still have the Red Tide (thanks for the assvice, BTW), but after 2 years of preparation and 3 years in the trenches, our love-making will no longer be accompanied by a sterile collection cup or a catheter. We might need Alcohol to remember how to do it without the Wand-Monkey.

If we are able to conceive on our own, it won't be a "miracle", a word I've seen bandied about too much in the past few days, it will be the beginning of a long and stress-filled road with many obstacles and milestones to conquer. We're not getting any younger. We have not wasted this time, and I don't regret it. Just moving on.

Now I have to go and plan our trips to Vegas and Hawaii. I shall return, fear not, my cyber friends.