Words to Live By

Happily married. 41. Infertile/perimenopausal. TV and iPod addict. Transplanted Canadian living in California. {Warning - abundant sarcasm and frequent *gasp* profanity lie herein.}

Monday, March 06, 2006

Fifteen

Has it really only been 5 days since my last post? Seems like it was a long time ago...

Over the weekend I attended my first Quinceanera. It was for the daughter of the chick who sits next to me at work who drives me crazy with all her drama (or "my colleague"). I've been hearing about this event for a year. She's spent so much time on the phone with the caterer and the choreographer and the videographer and the tailor I don't know how she's managed to do any work. I had never heard of a Quinceanera until last year. Basically, its a mock wedding, a wedding without a groom.

From About.com: "A Quinceanera (the term refers both to the celebration and to the girl who has turned 15) is similar in concept to a debutante's "coming out party" in other countries [its most popular in Mexico although its celebrated in other Hispanic cultures]. The celebration is a means of acknowledging that a young woman has reached sexual maturity and is now an adult, ready to assume additional family and social responsibilities. In addition, the celebration is intended to reaffirm religious faith, good morals, and the virtues of traditional family values."

Not being churchy-types, we didn't attend the church service (the "thanksgiving Mass"), but the reception part of it was enough to give us the taste. A girl in a white dress with a tiara and an escort, surrounded by 14 couples in lavender dresses and tuxedos, a 3-tiered cake, flowers, a Latino heartthrob wedding singer dude, place cards at the plated dinner...I could have swore somebody should have gotten married.

Actually, it was heartening to see 30 kids in the 14 to 16 age range all dressed up, doing a choreographed waltz and wishing their friend well. The picture was spoiled a bit by those who insisted on wearing sunglasses and talking on their cell phones, but I guess you can't completely take the street out of the kids.

I was enjoying all the pomp and pagaentry when the DJ pulls out a screen and a projector. Time for the photo collage. As I sat behind my colleague and her daughter, watching them laugh at the funny baby pictures and seeing the progression from tiny swaddled bundle to toddler to roller-skates and cheerleading pom-poms, I couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. OK, a lot. Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to pretend I was having trouble with my contacts for a few minutes.

One of the reasons why this chick bothers me so much is she is one of those mothers who constantly complains about her child. She had her daughter when she was 18 and has always been a single mother. She is rude to her, hangs up on her, and is always telling me how lucky I am that I don't have kids and how she will never have another one, and (of course), that I can have hers if I want.

If I could, I would take her up on that one. Damn. It sucks that I won't ever have a 15 year-old daughter.

Five for Fighting -- 100 Years mp3

12 Comments:

At 9:36 PM, Anonymous julianna said...

That is SO weird! I have a colleague who's daughter just had a Q shindig....

I didn't go....

I heard there was LOTS of tequila and the police had to be called because of a riot...most of the guests got involved with the fight and it was like the Hatfields and McCoys...the inlaws hate each other and someone took someone's chair....

I'm sorry the one you went to brought up the pain.

You just don't know how appropriate that song is!

I hope you are well,

 
At 11:05 PM, Blogger Coloratura said...

Hey - sorry the event was a bummer in that respect. I know how you feel... I see children everywhere, positively everywhere... darling little babies... will I get a chance, I always wonder...?

I will have to dig deeper in your blog to understand why adoption is not an option. I wish it was for you, because I think you'd make an awesome Mom!

Thanks for your kind words... I will email you as I would love to discuss more with you how you dealt with losing an estranged brother. It's pretty huge and seem to get huger in my heart every day.

Sweet dreams, you deserve them.

 
At 5:54 AM, Blogger chris said...

I'm sorry; that must have been really difficult.

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

Oh Donna, I completely understand why the tears would have started. It DOES totally suck that you won't have a 15 year old. But you are so inspiring for your strength in facing that now and being so upfront and direct about it. I hope that the sadness didn't preclude you from having some fun at what sounds like quite the event.

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger Tiff said...

Cool, I am glad I am not the only one who has leaned the 'my contacts are bothering me' trick.
I am sorry, D. ((HUGS))
I love that song, btw.

 
At 4:38 AM, Anonymous Ollie said...

I hate it that you won't have a 15 year old daughter. Going into the fairness debate is superfluous--it isn't fair at all and everyone who knows you, knows that fact.

I'd never heard of that ceremony before. Interesting.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Fertile Soul said...

I know what that feels like. I went to an engagement party where the girl and her adult sisters stopped the party to do a photo collage to honor their mother. God bless them, but a history of all their lives together as children with their mother is tough to watch! I left at that point. Party was over for me.

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger fisher queen said...

I HATE when people say "Oh you can have mine". You should have taken her up on it.

I know I know.

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger the waiting line said...

Wow, that's hard core. Quinceaneras are old school. It was nice of you to attend. Sorry you got choked up (it would happen to any of us).

. . . personally, getting a car when you're 16 makes more sense than have a pubescent coming out party. But, I guess this fiesta isn't about "making sense."

 
At 9:59 PM, Blogger elle said...

Those things are pretty hectic. You were good to go. I hate when people say, "you are so lucky...you can have mine!" erg. Sorry it was such a downer.

 
At 4:30 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Donna, I am sorry you were blindsided like that. It never does go away, huh?

 
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